Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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