I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize