I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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