i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
