i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
