oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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