Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
