so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
