More tranny stories later!
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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