Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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