i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Randomize
