Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
