Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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