If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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