I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
