After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
