so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
