I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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