so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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