It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
