my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
