Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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