haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
No stitches, just platelets and will power
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
