I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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