how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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