Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
