I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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