I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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