Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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