I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
