I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Green mimosas i think yes
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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