What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
