when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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