I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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