I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
love makes seman taste better
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
