i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
