guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
