some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
