Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Even my vagina gasped.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
