I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
