dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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