you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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