Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
