It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
