She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize