Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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