I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
