someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
