If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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