This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
