What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
