So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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