I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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