That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
