I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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