Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
