I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
