New low: just hacked my moms facebook
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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