What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
