I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
