We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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