Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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