Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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