Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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